Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Sometimes when you feel really upset about something its a big deal! Then you talk about it with a friend and it sound so pathetic and unimportant! Why is that? It doesn't feel any less important inside, but once that darn issue reaches the open air it dissolves into a hopeless, meaningless mess. This may be confusing some of you, or maybe some of you understand entirely what I am saying. I guess I'll start back at the beginning...it was the summer of '09 and some family friends had recently moved to LA, a much closer place than their previous residence. We were driving half way to meet them at a resort where we would be staying with them for a week. Me and my family grew up with these guys and they had been like family to us, but it had been 6 long years since we saw them last and the time finally came for us to reunite! Since the 6 years had passed we grew up into something much different than what we once found ourselves......teenagers! Their family consists of 5 boys, and 1 girl (who is also the oldest). We were only seeing 3 of the boys because the others had found their own way and were off conquering the world. Anyways, when we arrived at the resort (my sister and parents) we were a bit nervous as to how things would go since it had been so very long and we were all so very different. Well to our delight and sheer amazement we all picked up right where we left off all those years ago. It was like we had never been apart! We had more fun that week than we ever expected to have. But the fun didn't stop there! My sister and I accompanied them back to LA and stayed another week with them in their home. We went to the beach and we were even surprised with a trip to Disneyland, just the 5 of us! It truly couldn't get any better than this....so I thought. After the thrills of the week had gotten the better of us, and our time had run out, me and sis headed back home. Over the course of the weeks me and one of the 3 brothers really hit it off. We were almost glued at the hip the entire time! He made me laugh like crazy, we totally connected. Once home again he called, we emailed and it was like there was no land between us at all. Needless to say we had formed a crush. Nothing was ever said, no feelings were ever revealed but it was clear to me, and pretty much to everyone else, that we deep in it. This continued almost over the course of the year. We eventually faded out a little and stopped talking as much. I wasn't sure if he felt anything for me anymore, and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about him. The next summer we arranged the same trip with them as the summer before. This time we only got to spend 3 whole days with them! For the most part I thought I was over him, but he still said things to me that made me think he may still have feelings for me. I wondered and wondered until I was just sick and finally decided that somethings gotta give. I either had to tell him how I felt, or move on entirely. I wasn't about to pour my heart out to him when I thought for sure he must be over me. So I had to give him up, and move on with my life. It was pretty hard at first but after a few days I felt refreshed, and like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

At that point I figured the worst was behind me...little did I know. On thanksgiving morning I was on Facebook, of course, and saw that his profile picture of him and some girl. At first I had this sinking feeling in me. It was later confirmed that he had, in fact, found someone else. I didn't show it, but I was devastated. Someone had taken a meet cleaver and riped out my heart with it. I was ready to be over him, but I wasn't ready for him to be over me, and I especially wasn't ready for him to find someone new. It sounds selfish when I write it all down, but I am still alone. It seems so unfair that he should be happy where I am watching from a distance, wishing. I know this will pass, and I know that I will find someone who will make me 10x more happy than he ever did. But none of that helps. Nothing anyone can say takes the pain and rejection I feel, away. Only God can do that, and I fear it will take some time.

Until then I will go on living.

Weddings, Boys, and Little Sisters...

So today we have a wedding we're going to. I know both the bride and te groom, not well, but they dont know eachother that well either haha. Sorry, just a little joke. They have been together for less than 6 months and already they are pleadging their eternal love for one another in front of a crowd of judgmental friends and family. I'm sure we're all just thrilled for them and its better they get married than....well I dont really know! I'm sure they could have spent some more time together, whats the rush? But at any rate it promises to be a happy affair. I personally love weddings mostly because I fantasize of my own some day. And as my mother loves to point out, that day for me could be coming sooner than I think. Theres only one problem with that, I have never had a boyfriend. At the moment there is a certain someone whome I am interested in. His family and mine have been friends since I was but an infant. We are two peas in a pod. The only problem is that they live in LA, which is not ideal for me in any matter of speaking. Its better than Russia but we still only see eachother once a year. I have had feelings for him for about a year now and I was sure he felt the same way...atleast he did last year. But now I'm not so sure. Its hard to tell when you're never with someone. But I'm keeping my spirits high, and beleive me thats not an easy task. The one odd thing is that my sister has had several boyfriends and kissed 2 guys. I havent even gotten as far as holding a guys hand! I went to coffee with a guy once but that was a disaster becuase he was way to serious and I wasnt interested. I feel bad for the guy though, he could barley talk to me he was so nervous all the time. And personally I cant stand it when a guy is that way. I need a man! Not some whimp who cant even carry on a converstaion with me. I understand that I can be intimidating at times but I aint changin that. Sorry. Anyways I'm not sure if I should tell this someone how I feel or just wait it out. We still have out seperate ways to go, and living so far apart makes it hard to have a relationship so thats one thing that keeps me from saying anything. If everything was out in the open I think it would just make it harder to live so far apart. But it eats me alive not to know how he feels! And hes not like regular guys so I dont know what signs to look for. So for now I am a girl waiting for love to come and rescue me. Who knows if that will ever happen, but I like to think that some things in fairytales can happen in real life....I guess eventually I'll find out.

Pretty Betty and the Road Not Taken

In 15 minutes it will have been a month since I last posted anything....just a little fact. Its late, and I am usually sleeping by now but for some reason something in me was compelled to write. I was lying awake thinking about love and how little of it people think I have seen. I'm 18 and have yet to even have anything close to a boyfriend! I'm perfectly ok with this, at times I dream of Prince Charming finding me and sweeping me off my feet, don't all us girls. And sometimes its hard to wait for him, and then realizing he's not coming. I know that love is out there for me somewhere and that God has set aside someone just for me, and I for them, but waiting isnt always an easy thing to do. I have my dreams. And those dreams keep my heart content for a time. I find myself rushing to want a family and find the someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, my best friend. I am a girl way ahead of her age group and for this I dont "enjoy" the things life has to offer me right at this moment. I've never been normal, always standing out but staying invisible at the same time. High school for me wasnt really high school but rather an early start on my college career. I took a servey one time that was supposed to measure your "true" age, the age you act rather than the age you are. I was about 15 at the time and scored the age of 31! My mother took the test and scored the age of 18, my sister and her friend took it and scored their own ages. As far as I could tell the servey was pretty accurate, even for my mother. Of course what the test told me was no surprise to any of my family or friends, but it still offered quite a few laughs including some for myself. I've never felt that I miss out on what life has to offer becuase I'm content in who I am and I'm ok not being like every other teenager, wheres the fun in that ;). Lifes hard enough without worrying about being someone youre not, the classic line but its true. Love will find us all when we least expect it. It nips ya right in the butt when you're not watching for it. I've found love in my friends, and my family and for now thats all I need. Why waste my time on a boy when I have myself to figure out, and the path I need to take on my own. Its actually pretty exciting to be independant and think about the things you want, the rest of your life will be spent doing things for others, being a parent, a spouse, focus on what goals you have for yourself, dont get caught up in a future that may be a long way off. Dont close the door on it but set it aside to enjoy the now and the opportunities waiting for you. Go for it, what do you have to loose?

Graduating

As a child I looked upon the graduates of the year as being to accomplished and grown up. Now being one of them I can't say that I feel the same way. I am, compared to a lot of other high school graduates of this year, pretty far along since I did running start for the past 2 years. But it doesnt feel like I finished anything becuase I wasnt even at my high school for those whole 2 years.
Most graduation ceremonies begin with complete bordom and end with a splash of "kill me before I die of extreme entertainment depravation" but mine was actually quite enjoyable. Even my family had no trouble staying awake; which can't be said for my brothers graduation. Man oh man was that boring! I dont even remember any of it, except for the part where I screemed for him. I think I blocked it out of my memory because it was just too painful. But never the less its considered a milestone in ones life. Although I wouldnt consider it one.
I am, by nature, a very picky person. And while planning my graduation party I made it quite clear that I didnt want certain things like tubs of chili. I wanted class and chili just doesnt apply to that theme. I was then informed that this wasnt actually MY party, but my parents party because they endured the 18 back-breaking years of raising me. Ha ha, very funny dad. But I should mention that this comment didnt stop me from giving my ever-so-wonderful ideas.
All in all my party was a complete success! So many of the guests told me. I myself was quite pleased with how it all turned out, well done mom! You have proved you decorating skills.....then again I did pick all the decorations, and said where they would go. But still, good job ;)!
One ending has found me, and another beginning as well. Lets hope this life proves to be a good one.

Betty on "Hard-to-read-friends"

So two of my closest friends are VERY hard to read! I've known both of them for about 6 years now and I still find myself confused as to what they are feeling! Now this is coming from someone who has spent her life being able to read people easily, so for me this is a pretty rough situation. For most of our friendships I would just guess what they were thinking and how they were feeling, but I found this to be a bad idea because I would often get it wrong. And that just made for confusion, frustration, and conflict. Now I would advise you, if you should have the same problem, to just simply ask the person how they are feeling or what they are thinking. If they are your friend, and you ask them in the most kind of ways, they wont mind a bit. I'm sure they will anderstand if they have been hard to read most of their lives, which is most likely the case. So after 6 years I have finally figured them out and talked to them about how I felt. I would also advise talking to that friend about how you have a hard time reading them and understanding what the heck is wrong! Talking has defiantley made a big difference. We are close that ever before and I feel much more open to voice my oppinion to them without worrying about hurting their feelings or whatever else. Life is hard enough without having to worry about giving your oppinion to a friend.
And on that note I would also say that a true friend is someone who will tell you when you are doing something stupid or making a potentially bad decision. Personally I want friends who tell me when I'm being stupid, rude, or just plane a butt-head. I often do these things without even noticing it becuase I am a passionate person and I have no problem giving my oppinion to pretty much anyone. So often it appears that I'm a butt-head when I am simply just being overt. But being passionate and overt can get me into trouble with people I am most comfortable with, like my family, becuase I will come out and say what I mean or what I feel and that isnt always the best of feelings or meaning, if you catch my drift. There is a fine line between rude and honest, and I often cross this line, haha.
So back to friendship......I have gone through some pretty awful relationships in my time, those of which are over, so I have some pretty good experience in that area. If you ever have an issue with a friend and you're not sure what to do or who to talk to feel free to come to me, I may be able to help you.
Well I'm off to have dinner with my family, but I hope you can get soomething from my little piece of experience!

peace out, Pretty Betty

Introducing, Me

May 3rd, 2010

I went to Prom this last saturday and on top of looking amazing I was hoping to see a certain someone there. Now, this someone, we'll call him Bill, had been texting me and flirting with me quite a bit! To my chagrin I spotted him in the middle of the dance floor with some houch! Along with rubbing her bare back they resumed their "his-front-to-her-back" sway. I personally wouldnt call that dancing but it was far better than the revolting way other couples were dancing, which I will not describe any further for your benefit, but I'm sure you can imagine.
What the chaperones are there for is beyond me, other than trying to live vicariously through us teens.

Forgive me for interupting my story, but I have failed to introduce myself.
Hello, my name is......
Oh, you thought I was actually going to give you my name! Haha, arent you cute! No, I figured it would be much more fun for the both of us if I was left unknown. But you can refer to me as Betty, why I chose this name is for me to know and for you to wonder about.
I guess its about time I tell you a little about myself. I am an average girl, but not really haha. I have always loved to write but though it was about time I took my love for words and used it for a blog. I am a faithful Christian. I dont have a religion, but rather a relationship with Jesus. I'm sorry if you dont understand what I mean but just think of it as having a best friend who knows everything about you, knows whats best for you, and loves you more than you could even imagine. Its a little more complex than that but we'll stop there before I get too descriptive. Oh, and this best friend is God so He is perfect! God is my whole life, every decision, every thought, and every word I try to focus on what God would want. Life is easier, and harder walking the path that I have chosen but I wouldnt trade it for anything at all. I have two siblings, a younger sister whom I adore, and an older brother who I wish I was closer to. He and I have just always seemed to be on different wave lengths. When I grew up he wasnt around and he still doesnt see me as who I really am. I'm still just a silly little girl in his eyes. But I'll talk more on them later.
I have never had a boyfriend and that is for only a few reasons; I am extreemly picky and glad to be, I havent met a guy that I like enough to get to know better, and guys dont even talk to me much. The ones that do tell me its because I'm very intimidating. I dont mean to be scary but I'm confident in who I am (which has been a long and brutal process), but also shy.
I dont know if I told you, but I also love to write lyrics. Those who have read them say they are pretty good, and I have to say that I'm proud of myself for that. I also love to paint, I dont get a chance to do it too often but when I do I just go into my element. Same for when I'm writing. The whole world fades and its just me and that brush or pen.
I'd have to say that I have the best family in the world, we all love eachother and get along great. Most kids I know dont really talk to their parents about anything but I can tell either parent anything at all! Its so awesome!

Dont ever take anything in life for granted, before you know it, it could all be swept away.

Peace out!